Q: Is there anything more awkward than a wedding shower?
A: No. (Exception: A wedding shower in which the groom's mother asks what will happen on the honeymoon.)
In related news, my sister's heart stopped beating for a brief moment around 5:00 pm yesterday. All of the blood rushed to her cheeks and didn't remember how to get back down to the right atrium.
Q: Why do I sometimes use words like "lovely" in the company of strangers?
A: You are being inhabited by the 80 year-old version of yourself. Her vocabulary is limited. (At age 79.5, your physician is contractually obligated to activate the Old Lady Word Switch. You might also begin to say "dear" and "hips" more often. Other side effects include an aversion to garlic and requests for coffee at 4 pm.)
Q: How do you win an Oscar?
A: Uglify yourself. But you still have to be a knockout when the eyebrow pencil comes off.
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1 comment:
80-year old versions of oneself also love pink lipstick, but only on the outer rim of your lips
perhaps some blue eyeshadow as well, get crazy you're only old once
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