I Have Thusly Made It To My 25th Birthday

In the Interest of Full disclosure:
I never said I could cook. I make garlic bread. And that, only when I have someone to help manage the bread once it's been cut and it starts to do a little Jacob's Ladder thing in my hands. On Saturday, I promised Roommate Nicki that I would not repeat the tofu dog incident of 2007. Her skepticism, I believe, led directly to my frozen pizza disaster.
To be clear: I did not set the apartment on fire. I merely reheated the charred remains of cheese on the bottom of the oven. Very different.
Yes, the smoke detector did sound. Yes, we opened all the windows and turned on all the fans. Yes, we did end up watching a movie wearing blankets and hooded sweatshirts while the snow flew in.
Yes, we could have died of asphyxiation in our sleep. But we didn't.
We woke up another day to dig our cars out of the 40-inch snowdrift using only a dustpan, a wooden stick, and an ice scraper.
Congratulations, Frozen Foods, Nature and Mn-DOT, you put up a good fight.

Just When I Was Feeling Very Urban...

I'm currently in a meat-free state of being. But being the undomestic-asshat-of-a-chef I am...
It's just...
Tofu dogs burn easily. And the only thing worse than a burnt tofu dog, is a burnt tofu dog with stir-fry soaked in low-sodium Teriyaki sauce.

Strike two:
"Cally, you know you have a comb in your hair."
"Yes, I know that."
"Ok. I misunderstood. You see, I thought the comb-in-the-hair thing was passé."
"..."
"So, you need a bus pass?"
"Yep."

Whoever You Say I Am

[Here I justify my Eminem reference.]
See below for some whimsy.

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(Via Squab)

Adults Venture Outdoors: Find Calamity, Dead Animals

Yesterday's weather being what it was, we took to the streets.
The natural results of such unusual behavior:

• Matt's Vespa broke down 3 blocks from my apartment. 500 lbs of machinery Euro-cute to ride on, not so cute to push down Hennepin.
  
• Lost my wallet (in my sweatshirt pocket). Found it there only after cancelling the cards and looking suspiciously at everyone I passed.
  
• Encountered two perfectly-preserved dead animals and an empty plastic bottle of white grape juice. I hate to be obvious, but I think we all know where this story is going. The animals had a little too much to drink and died of hypothermia. Or, the squirrel got violent with the mallard before he eventually turned the bottle on himself.
  

Like The Gentle Bleeting of a Billy Goat

My Head, She Pounds.
Somebody turn off the lights and pass me that book. I'll rip the pages out to cover my body for warmth.
Drunk Girls Dancing All Around.
Richards and Co. played last night at the perennial favorite breast cancer benefit: Booze for Boobs. Two points for every woman there for having both booze and boobs. Some of them having too much of one or the other. I'm looking at you, Dooney and Bourke. You almost suffocated my boyfriend when you leaned over to ask for a cigarette. (No. He doesn't smoke. Gross. P.S. We need to talk about who, of the two of us here, needs a push-up bra. Ok. Agree to disagree.)
Maybe It's Something You Ate.
Blllleeeeeeeeerggggggggh. I guess that beer could have done it, but I prefer to demonize the peanut butter. Seriously. You're not hungover. It's salmonella. I will be sending in my lid for a full refund. Keeping you posted...
Cotton Mouth Kisses,
Sri

Lemon Zest with a Hint of Grated Knuckle

I look damn cute in an apron and bandana. That is the only reason I try not to cook or wear headscarves. Too much attention.
But I broke all the rules for Anne on Monday night. We went to Let's Dish to pre-pre-pare some meals for once her baby #2 arrives in t-minus-7 days. My own cooking philosophy borrows from the ancient Greek tradition of "oknonos," also known as, "reheating bags of frozen pasta from Trader Joe's."
"They are delicious."
"I know."
"I especially enjoy the arrabiata sauce because it looks all innocent like 'Who, me? I'm with marinara' when really it's waiting to burn its way into your belly."
"Menacing."
"Yes."
"You should get back to writing."
"Well, fine day to you, too."
"And don't forget to give Sara J the birthday shout-out."
"..."
"I know. But I watched TRL yesterday and it was in my head."
"..."
"I'm sorry. Tell me more about that pasta."
"[middle finger]"

Sugars: 27 grams

Happy Valentimes.
I tied a pink ribbon around my phone to celebrate.

It also reminds me to not get breast cancer.

All the [Work's] a Stage

We've got a lockdown drill today and guess who gets to be the victim of a fake stabbing?!!!
This guy.
Wish me luck.

It's Not Unusual

What two special things occured yesterday?

1. Muffin's birthday
2. Our landlord found a pen in the pipes of our commode

What do these things have in common?

1. Awesomeness
2. Inevitability

For the Right Reasons

Nicki and I went to see Freedom Writers on Wednesday night. There was an educator special deal at the AMC with the stadium seating.
When you wait all day to not pay for a movie, it doesn't even matter if it sucks. Frankly, I expected to hate it. It would have been appropriate for me to hate it. But I didn't hate it. I cried. And so did Nicki. Even though our seat neighbors repeated the poignant lines for the Lady who was Too Good for Assisted Hearing Devices.
Mini-gripes, keeping in mind that I cried:

1. Just once I'd like to see a blockbuster movie with a female teacher of color working with students of color in a life-changing-empowerment-Stand-and-Deliver way.
2. She stayed with them through their whole high school careers. The real challenge would be in repeating the success with various student groups each couple of years. Being brave and letting go are big important steps in education...
   

Anyway, we bought journals for our students. Inspired to give them a forum for their thoughts/ideas/inspirations. When I suggested it to one student today he said he'd be into it because it would get him "so much ass."
I'm going to be brave and let this kid go.



*Unfunny idea that I compulsively thought during the lobby/pre-show trivia: Me dressed as William Wallace, shrieking, "They can take our land, but they'll never take our Freedoooommmmm [Writers]!"