I Have Thusly Made It To My 25th Birthday

In the Interest of Full disclosure:
I never said I could cook. I make garlic bread. And that, only when I have someone to help manage the bread once it's been cut and it starts to do a little Jacob's Ladder thing in my hands. On Saturday, I promised Roommate Nicki that I would not repeat the tofu dog incident of 2007. Her skepticism, I believe, led directly to my frozen pizza disaster.
To be clear: I did not set the apartment on fire. I merely reheated the charred remains of cheese on the bottom of the oven. Very different.
Yes, the smoke detector did sound. Yes, we opened all the windows and turned on all the fans. Yes, we did end up watching a movie wearing blankets and hooded sweatshirts while the snow flew in.
Yes, we could have died of asphyxiation in our sleep. But we didn't.
We woke up another day to dig our cars out of the 40-inch snowdrift using only a dustpan, a wooden stick, and an ice scraper.
Congratulations, Frozen Foods, Nature and Mn-DOT, you put up a good fight.