Want to Buy: Pellet Guns, Pellets.

Another marginal sleep night thanks to our thoughtless neighbors. The Minneapolis PD and I have grown closer since the weather turned nice. I feel better about this, if they're willing to stop by to break up a party.*
It's a Wednesday night! Even in college, Wednesdays don't count as the weekend unless you're a hockey player. Every night is a weekend if you play hockey. Plus your hair is long and you're an asshole. And your hands smell from those sweaty gloves.
We're calling the landlord today.

*Non-SequiturBrainchild: a comic called Civil Cervantes! in which Don Quixote and Sancho Panza play police partners in a modern day metropolis, but their cases all go awry. Blanket tossings! NBC, give me a call.

Flashing Lights, Lights, Lights

My big summer jamboree of traveliness was cancelled due to a very serious accident of Cousin Emily's Kitten, who is now on a feeding tube. I know that I have an inaccurate mental picture, but it was probably a small child who administered the medical procedures.
Hello, Kitty. Step into my playskool office. Say 'Ahhh' and I will shove this heart-shaped stethoscope into your windpipe.
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In the meantime, I am kicking up my heels tonight with Kanye West and his crew of merry musicmakers. Look for me. I'll be the one in the t-shirt and scarf.

Jail Is Very Likely Worse

I was annoyed to get a speeding ticket for $142.
However, I am beyond angry to discover that my ticket was increased to $284. Can somebody explain why that happened? Do I file an appeal?
When will I perfect self-teleporting so I can save on fuel and bad-choice costs?
[As a context-building sidenote: I wish I could get for you a sound clip of the phenomenally shitty music being pumped into this building. You guys, I am thisclose to the edge of the deep homicidal end. This is not helping like it promised to.]