Missing: Nothing.

An observation from Matt:
Wouldn't it be cool if you never had to worry about shady people?*
Yes. Yes it certainly would. I would love to not be suspicious of the sweet ticket-taking granny at the Jewish Museum (not full of Jews waiting to be observed), but everybody who could escape with my stuff is a threat.
I almost swiped an Acer from some guy today who was typing at a cafe because I was pretty sure it was mine.
BUT MY ACER IS AT HOME.
On the table.
Hi, Acer.
Mommy loves you.
Prague is nice and warm and the Jewish Museum was nice and warm, too.

*Note: He also woke up this morning with an idea of how to successfully smuggle cocaine.

From Praha

DearMom
We're in Prague now(the spacebaris terribly stickyandrefuses to perform its solefunction. Forgive me.). We had to makea mad dash fortheborderafter Matt threatened tokill Parisand everyonein thesurrounding areas.
Parishate morphed intoEuropehate and thepressure wastoo muchfor WEsternEuropeto handle. This migration hascostus upwards of 130 USD a night for accomodations and less than 1 USD per beer. A fair trade byanystandards.
It's pretty and cute and there's a Hermes on the corner of Parisstoyaka or someshit.
I learned the phrases "Good morning, Allen Smith" and the very helpful, "It's Ivan's birthday."
International peace will comeofthis cultural exchange.
Miss you, miss home. Hate Paris. Justkidding, Paris.
Mostly.
love,
Me.
P.S. THERE WAS AN ASIATIC TRADER RESTAURANT WITH SRIRACHA SAUCE. I ATE IT. IT WAS GOOD.

Paris, Sans Les Petits

It's not like I'm in a bar in Paris getting sauced because I miss the kids.
Who, me?
But if I did. I mean, if I were sad, it would be ok.
As things go, I'm doing pretty well. I saw the Moulin Rouge windmill today. I mean, this girl is going places.
Actually, it was sort of an anti-climax. That's true, but also a joke because the streets are FILLED with sex shops and peep shows and nasty.
Ew.
So I miss walking around with 10 kids in tow. And I can't believe that I have no more excuse to go shopping, except that I want to.
"Um, Matty? Could we just? I mean, Lauren REEEEEALLY wants to see these shoes....Lauren's not here? Yeah. Right. Well, she asked me to look at them for her."

Weltjugentag and other unnecessarilz long words

Sometimes when zou saz a million zou donät mean one million. Zou use it as an exaggeration.
I, I am using it in total accuracz. Mostlz.
Thez estimated that a million people slept under the cloudz stars last night bz me. Iäm still in Germanz (exhibit: the kezboards) for the festival of poorlz orchestrated maps, uninformed volunteers, and train station shutdowns that is World Zouth Daz 2005. Well, piss. I am on a pilgrimage. This is me, being a pilgrim. With 999,999 other people. None of us slept last night at Marienfeld because it was cold as butt. And thank zou, PB XVI for shooing awaz the rain with zour God-direct line, but next time please request warmth as well.
The real storz is the SIX HOURS on FOOT it took us to get back to the comfort of a gzmnasium floor.
If I drew zou a diagram, it would look like a big freaking criss-crossed mess of disaster and miscommunication with the Polizei (actual spelling).
All for now. More from Paris, home of the twinkling lights and piss-smellz beggars.

Local Celebritz

So todaz I met mz favorite Christian tv personalitz. His name is Lino and he used to do a show on cable access channel 6.
I realiye that I might have been the entire viewing audience, but he made me laugh time and again.
I think this is the site of the former show. Mazbe coming out on dvd soon. With Laguna Beach. Could someone order that for me?
The best part is that Iäm at this festical of 800,000 people and I see Lino twice. The first time I saw his nose across the crowd. The second time, I couldnät pass up the chance to chat. I mean, what are the odds--clearlz, Divine Intevention.
So I run up to him screeching like an idiot (which is not so strange if zouäve seen me around people whose stage work I admire). Tried to be cool. Then I tried to be an ass. Then I was an ass.
Oh, ass.
Oh, me.
Oh, ass me in Germanz.

Fifty Years. You're Old.

A Lot of Hot Air
Originally uploaded by Sriracha.

Mom and he shared an AARP moment over cake. They high-fived.
Yesssss.
And it's only five more years to the senior discount at Perkins.
Pencil me in.
Oh, and I'm in Rome.
Eating gelato and soaking up the ambiance.
And NOT TAKING MY PILLS.
I'm a woman on the edge.
Highlights:
1. Anemic watermelon on the plane
2. First travel poop
3. British tour guides using words like anti-clockwise
4. "We're fat Americans" -Betty
5. Other things that seem funny when you're with a group of eleven other people who are equally sleep-deprived.
Totos tuus,

Panicky packing moment No. 50

Preceeded by 49 similarly pathetic moments.

Am now watching Women's Entertainment Sin-gle In The Ci-ty.
Oh, the shame.
Boy: "If you had your wish right now, what would it be?"
Girl: "I would give all the little people... you know not little people, but people who don't have houses who walk alongside the road--"
Boy: "Homeless people"
Girl: "No, I don't want to say that. "
Boy: "..."
Girl: "Like on Thanksgiving and Christmas when you're on your way from Nana's house and you pass them on the road after your feast"
Boy: "..."

Oh.
Oh.
I am mentally numbed. Back to the packing.

I Got Soul, But I'm Not A....Oh. Wait. Soldier? Really?

There's just...
There's just such an obvious explanation for this.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com
Thanks to After School Snack for the link.

Woman Not Hungry; Eating

I'm eating my feelings this morning in the form of
-surprisingly successful zucchini bread made from the very special farmer's market crop I purchased yesterday
-small candy bars (only filling in large quantities, as we have previously discussed)
-edges of plastic cups
-fingers
-pens

I have pre-travel anxiety. And I got it real bad. We leave on Tuesday. Did I not mention that? Oh, yeah. I'll be in Europe for a month.
But before that...
I took Carly and the Poppa to the airport this morning for a trip to OH (Happy Birthday Mary Lynn! I've got anxiety! And medication! Sorry I won't make it to your party!) and realized how much I hate taking people and being taken there.
Gulp.
I went to the Doctor last week to explain myself. The prescription is for many pills. Thirty, actually. She said if I use them all, she'll be "concerned." I think the key here is for me to NOT be concerned. So at this point, my plan is to take them all just so that somebody else is concerned and not me.

TLC, feat. My Mom

Haha. I've been saving this gem since last week because she thought that I forgot about it!

Mom, with hairspray in hand:
"Crazy [spritz]...
"Sexy [spritz]...
"Cool..." [spritz]
pause
"I have to write that."
"Nooooo! I knew you would! I did that on purpose for your blog!!!!"
"I know."
"So don't write it. Pleeeease. It was a joke."
"I know."

New Music Monday..er...crap....It's Tuesday.

This is my kind of love song...
Thanks to Ash for the tip.

And this is my kind of hate song... (grrrrrrowl...Starbucks!)
Thanks to Ali for the tip.

Mixed Greens: A Rendering

Mixed Greens: A Rendering
Originally uploaded by Sriracha.

Today I lunched with Rin, during which time I had mixed greens in the form of a very disappointing salad. I pushed around the purple leaves. Suspiciously.
Taking a tip from the Amateur Gourmet's mom, I topped it off with some Equal.
Rin smiled into her Caesar and explained that she avoids them now: "I gotta be careful with the mixed greens because they all taste like dirt." And they do. Which is ok, if you like organic. But for me it is the equivalent of eating sand with my clam chowder. Nast.
Shame on me for taking no photos of the actual. Here, a representation.

Senior Moments By My Dad

"It's Mike. Mike...Melmon.. Melvin...Elvi...Melvis...? Hang on, I've got it written down."
Paper shuffling.
"Steve Schwartz."
---------------------------------------------------
"I've got to set up a meeting with Sue McIntrye."
"Yeah she wants to chat with you."
Pauses to write....
"What's Katherine's last name?"
Blink, blink.