Two Parts Pine Needles, One Part Bubbles

We're back to school this week for in-service and yesterday had a presentation on technology by some fancy man.
My favorite part was this video. Who knew that wikis were so handy? Anyone want to plan a family reunion? I'll bring the coleslaw, since I can guarantee that I won't eat it before I arrive. That shit is nasty.
Actually, why bother? We could just have the whole family reunion online through webcams. I'll get tipsy and pretend I'm not (like Christmas (just kidding G-ma)). When I disappear from the screen everyone will think I've gone to change the music for more internet karaoke, but I'll be passed out on my bedroom floor. At least I'm not driving, right? Right?

A friend from high school feared that Furbies would one day rule the Earth.
She was on the right track.

Professional Observer

I've had my hair cut before, and I watch very carefully. I also believe

1. I can fly
2. I look like I know what I'm doing.
3. If it doesn't go well, at least it will grow back

Another picture of Muffin's haircut.

In Comparison, I Guess It's Not That Bad

"Ah, another night of incest at the hands of our neighbors."
"..."
"Shoot, did I say incest? I meant incense."

But It's Still Important to Be Well-Educated

Check out the portfolio on this site. And then tell all the young people in your life that they are beautiful and normal just as they are.
And then watch Bridget Jones' Diary because Colin Firth says it better.

Conspicuous Consumer

I bought a beautiful bracelet for myself and when the lady behind the counter asked would I need a gift box I said yes. Because heheh. Obviously. Yes, I almost forgot to ask for a box. WAIT, I'M TALKING TOO LOUDLY? Oh.. Ha. Sorry. I love giving gifts. Yes. Gift giving. For others. On special occasions.

Charmed, In The Bad Way

Last night, someone absconded with Matt's Vespa. Who steals? Asshats. People who were unloved as children. People who really need food a more gas-efficient vehicle.
Guess what, Suckers? You can't even use it unless you have the codes. Plus, something about a microchip in the key.
The thing is, when it's locked, the handlebars don't even face front. While the image of some jackass wheeling it around in circles is completely satisfying, it doesn't exactly make up for the feeling of increased discomfort and personal loss...and we didn't get to watch. Selfish bastards.

Transitioning: A Skill In Writing.

Thanks for all the concerned emails. The coffee situation is under control.
Twine Ball Days were a huge success by every account, including the fact that our Spanish visitor tried water skiing for the first time ever and totally lived to tell the tale. Except for the "terreeble pain in my focking ash." We forgot to tell her about the free enema.
[Speaking of deals, let me introduce you to puellagirl.com. Roommate Nicki and I each took the $150 challenge and ended up with 10 solid items prime for self and regifting. Get your name on the waiting list.]
[Speaking of waiting lists, I present you with a mental image of my dad's birthday celebration yesterday and the Wii we bought him. Then Lucy, with her increasingly cryptic English, pulls out the day's big winner: "Mateo, how to tell some person happy birthday?" and totally steals the show.]

Let's Troll

My weekend is pretty full.
A cooler of beer from Jimmy Keeler's

and we are off to Darwin, MN for Twine Ball Days. You can find me on the lake. I'll be the one trying to explain Francis A. Johnson's vision to a Spaniard.

Free, Or Best Offer

It was all good until it was less good and then it was just bad.
When Matt entered the room, he didn't notice until he got close to the walls; the rug; the couch; Her Majesty, the blessed womb chair.
Lucy had called in a panic. "There is a coffee everywhere. It was an essplosion on the walls. Everywhere."
"Have you told Matt?"
"No. No. I did not."
Carly and I rushed over wielding a magic eraser, but the damage was done. Little brown specks covered the entire room.

As a stand-alone incident it would have been bad enough, but there was already the garbage- disposal-spoon-eating incident (parts 1-4), the wrong-detergent-in-the-washing-machine disaster, and the randomly-turning-off-the-air-conditioning self-appointment of 2007 (ongoing).

She Has a Little Notepad for Vocabulary

I returned home last night from Family Jesus Camp to be immediately greeted by my favorite Spaniard.
Now that we're on home turf, the English Language rules all conversation. Matt constantly complains that I am too lax in my corrections of her habitual mistakes. Any, none, verb tenses, etc. English is *%&^ing complicated. It's not me.
Lucia and I spent about 10 minutes talking about how surprised she was that our streets were so clean of rabbits.
I tried to explain that rabbits are more common in the suburbs, like where our parents and our married friends live.*
She says to me, "We are talking about rabbits or we are talking about garbage?"
And I'm thinking that she's asking whether rabbits live in garbage: "Heh?"
I'll spare you the remaining 30 seconds of sentence-pause-sentence before we discover the word is rubbish. When we return to Matt's, Lucy is trying to find a new bag for rabbits and I explain it's pronounced "rub ISH" before Matt interrupts me to say that we don't even use that word here.
I blame the British.

*Zing!