In A Heart-Shaped Mug

Valentine's Day is fast approaching, which simply means that I am once again belatedly considering gifting Matt with something. And then I remember the Christmas camera lens that was supposed to be Gift Enough for Years to Come, and I wonder if perhaps he would just take a beer instead.

Instructional Strategies, Professionalism Abound

Sara: "Maria, who's your secret crush?"
Maria: "I'm not telling you!"
Sara: "Come on."
Maria: "Fine, I'll make one up: Steven."
Sara: "Awww!"
Maria: "He's not my real secret crush."
Sara: "Well, who is your real secret crush?"
Maria: "I don't have one! [pause] Steven."
Sara: "Awwwwwwwwwwwww, really?!"
Maria: "Yes. Shut up, Sara."
[Silence. Maria sits staring at the computer for a moment.]
Maria: "Look at this! Pool farts!"
Me: "That computer is for doing work, Sara."
[Hypocritically click "Publish Post."]

All You Never Wanted

Ali got me.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Harassee at Dick Blick Arts Materials (e.g. "Is Dick there?" "Nope, it's just the name of the store." "I'm looking for Mr. Blick, "Mr. Dick Blick." "I'm sorry, sir, but there is no Mr. Blick here.")
2. Children's Theater Performer (Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your...boobies are hanging over the tower! WARDROBE!)
3. Wedding Photography Assistant
4. Babysitter for children who vomit behind chairs

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Almost Famous
2. Lost In Translation
3. Anchorman
4. Rags to Riches

Four places I've lived:
1. Spiddal, Ireland
2. Columbus, OH
3. St. Joe, MN
4. The Bubble

Four TV shows I love:
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Felicity and My So-Called Life. Either will do.
3. Project Runway
4. My Name is Earl

Four places I've vacationed:
1. NYC
2. Prague, Czech Republic
3. Mazatlan, Mexico
4. Capetown, South Africa

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Potatoes; any way but baked.
2. Nachos
3. Grilled cheese
4. Thick soup

Four sites I visit daily: (Three of these make me laugh so hard I could pee.)
1. Dooce
2. Matt
3. Go Fug Yourself
4. Mimi Smartypants

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. My bed
2. Dunn Bros.
3. Target
4. ABC World News Tonight headquarters

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1. Anne
2. Dan
3. Muffin
4. A.S.S. (choose your representative)

Jerkstore: Out of You

In real life, people don't tell you that you're boring. Not to your face, anyway. In real life, you sit behind a desk and they jab passive-agressively, saying "Wouldn't it be nice if someone were interesting?"
This is almost refreshing.
Almost.
What is it about the internet that brings out the anonymous a-hole in people? The people who SHOULD JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE IF THEY DON'T LIKE WHAT I WRITE, ANONYMOUS. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M CHARGING ADMISSION).
I don't like to use bad words. My parents read this. But if I have to call somebody an insecure bastardface, well... I'll do it. And those words will sting.

Serving Size: 60 billion

What could have made the bowl super?
1. A half-time special on Rolling Stones hip replacement surgery.
2. Some competition. Choosing the underdog is only fun when they don't suck. I'm looking at you, Hasselbeck.
3. More Grey's Anatomy.
4. Twice as much Grey's Anatomy again.
5. Converting Detroit's stadium into a giant crock pot of beef stew.

Boom Shakalaka Lakah

What if we had to dance to our heartbeats?

Heard Around Here

"They call them initiatives; I don’t know why. Maybe because there’s no other word for them."

"That’s why they do well. They have a case manager who is all over their case. That’s what a case manager is."

"I think people should not send me any more crappy emails. Don’t send me any more crap. I only want good emails. No more crap. And I hate auto-format. And people who suck."

When You Can't(cun) Go On

And you're tired of walking, you might raise your arms and ask the lizard on your hotel ceiling to pick you up. You might say, "Pick me up, Lizard."
For just a moment, you might believe in the power of willing a lizard to take you to your room.

But First Listen To This

When I'm done telling you about the mouse in our office, I'll write all about Mexico and the fun we had. (So much fun.)
It is Mouse Incursion 2K6.
We came in this morning to find the little bugger hiding under a pair of work gloves. I screamed like it was April Fool's Day.
Now, I'm cool with mice as long as I don't have to worrry about them climbing my pant leg.
On second thought, I'm not that cool with mice.

Eating Battery Acid In Foreign Cities

Darling Readers, (Except you, Anonymous. We're still in a fight.),
I am off to see some more of the world.
With my birth certificate and driver's license.
After hours of searching and 1.5 freak-out episodes, I have discovered that my room is a swirling pit of clothing and ephemera...but no passports.
So you can be jealous of my trip TO RAINY CANCUN, if you want. But first, please check to see that my passport is not with you.

I suspect that we will have no internet access during the week, but here's a story about Muffin's last trip to Mexico:

I spilled diet coke everywhere and was cleaning it up and found a battery that was sticky. Without proper cleaning utensils, I did what any smart, well educated person would have done. I licked it like a Popsicle.
Then my tongue burned and I couldn't taste for awhile.
Turns out it wasn't Diet Coke sticky.

Hope work doesn't suck too much. [Shielding face from flying foodstuffs.]
Love,
Sri