I'm staring at a sheet of My Little Pony stickers which I selfishly saved from the Valentines set (minus one that I generously gave up for an envelope yesterday). As I look at these impossibly-coiffed creatures, I think to myself:
1. I love the plasticky smell.
2. I remember the plasticky smell?
3. I have the same haircut as a My Little Pony.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Dissatisfaction of Astronomic Proportions
In an open forum to the Nestle company, I discuss an unpleasant incident involving one expired candy specimen:
[I must give proper credit to Matt for his creative line: "giant, but not chewy" without which none of this would have been possible.]
I consider myself a woman of discerning taste, and have, on many previous occasions, enjoyed your products. Last week I purchased a package of your Giant Chewy Sweettarts which were giant, but not chewy. You can imagine my disappointment and perhaps you will honor my request for a replacement. I will continue to patronize your brand and the offending Walgreens store, regardless. A valued friend and customer,
[I must give proper credit to Matt for his creative line: "giant, but not chewy" without which none of this would have been possible.]
Friday, February 11, 2005
Who does that?
Hey you. You with the dumb, this one goes out to you. Do not abbreviate "homework" as "hmwork" in an email subject line. You are saving NO TIME.
Acceptable trades and abbrevs include the words "balc" for balcony and "sally" in place of someone's name.
Also, in the US, we have a cultural aversion to standing thisclose to others, unless we are intimately involved or about to kick SERIOUS ass. Please, when we are speaking, do not get so close that I can see your individual facial hairs. When I scoot back as you pursue the conversation you seem to mistake me: it's not that I'm in a hurry to get anywhere but AWAY FROM YOU.
Glad we cleared that up.
Acceptable trades and abbrevs include the words "balc" for balcony and "sally" in place of someone's name.
Also, in the US, we have a cultural aversion to standing thisclose to others, unless we are intimately involved or about to kick SERIOUS ass. Please, when we are speaking, do not get so close that I can see your individual facial hairs. When I scoot back as you pursue the conversation you seem to mistake me: it's not that I'm in a hurry to get anywhere but AWAY FROM YOU.
Glad we cleared that up.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
I have a bang.
Yesterday I took a fat tuesday chance and got a hair cut. I'm a procrastinator who doesn't do risks.
It's fluffier today and that's fine. But this bang. THIS BANG. I can tuck it behind my ear and then it slips back toward my eyes and that requires a vanity shake. Or a chin tilt. It's causing tension in my neck. I have a crick on the right side from holding my face at a hair-out-of-eyes angle. I have owned this bang for nearly 24 hours and I'm ready to return it. [I don't think she saved what she cut off. Curse you, disposable hair!]
But since it's Lent now and I've given up complaining, I won't be blogging for the next 40 days.
Just kidding.
It's fluffier today and that's fine. But this bang. THIS BANG. I can tuck it behind my ear and then it slips back toward my eyes and that requires a vanity shake. Or a chin tilt. It's causing tension in my neck. I have a crick on the right side from holding my face at a hair-out-of-eyes angle. I have owned this bang for nearly 24 hours and I'm ready to return it. [I don't think she saved what she cut off. Curse you, disposable hair!]
But since it's Lent now and I've given up complaining, I won't be blogging for the next 40 days.
Just kidding.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Monday, February 07, 2005
He doesn't feeeel better
It has come to this... not stealing time from my employer, rather, updating my blog from a distance. Giving myself a chance to reflect on the day before I write a rant about the little shits our society spoils in pools of wealth.
However, my experience today was too positive. I must search for alternate topics...
Four days out of surgery and this kid still walks like an old man. He waddles from the lightswitch to the closet like a feeble octagenarian. At least he can laugh about it on percocet. Thank you, percocet. I've been reading Matt The BFG because not only does he genuinely like it, but if he feels tired he can fall asleep and blame it on the drugs. Every so often I will wake him with my sheer disbelief at yet another of Roald Dahl's fabricated words: Snozzcumbers as big as half a man? Golden Fizzwizards? Manhuggers? Runty little scumscrewers?
Bunghole.
Are you serious?
However, my experience today was too positive. I must search for alternate topics...
Four days out of surgery and this kid still walks like an old man. He waddles from the lightswitch to the closet like a feeble octagenarian. At least he can laugh about it on percocet. Thank you, percocet. I've been reading Matt The BFG because not only does he genuinely like it, but if he feels tired he can fall asleep and blame it on the drugs. Every so often I will wake him with my sheer disbelief at yet another of Roald Dahl's fabricated words: Snozzcumbers as big as half a man? Golden Fizzwizards? Manhuggers? Runty little scumscrewers?
Bunghole.
Are you serious?
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
PUNKsutawny Phil
On Groundhog's Day 2005, I'd like to point out a few things:
1. You know he's taking bribes from the guy with the hat.
2. I, my friend, heard a BIRD singing this morning while I scraped the ice off my car. It's already spring.
3. My birthday is in T minus 24 days.
1. You know he's taking bribes from the guy with the hat.
2. I, my friend, heard a BIRD singing this morning while I scraped the ice off my car. It's already spring.
3. My birthday is in T minus 24 days.
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