Adults Venture Outdoors: Find Calamity, Dead Animals

Yesterday's weather being what it was, we took to the streets.
The natural results of such unusual behavior:

• Matt's Vespa broke down 3 blocks from my apartment. 500 lbs of machinery Euro-cute to ride on, not so cute to push down Hennepin.
  
• Lost my wallet (in my sweatshirt pocket). Found it there only after cancelling the cards and looking suspiciously at everyone I passed.
  
• Encountered two perfectly-preserved dead animals and an empty plastic bottle of white grape juice. I hate to be obvious, but I think we all know where this story is going. The animals had a little too much to drink and died of hypothermia. Or, the squirrel got violent with the mallard before he eventually turned the bottle on himself.
  

Like The Gentle Bleeting of a Billy Goat

My Head, She Pounds.
Somebody turn off the lights and pass me that book. I'll rip the pages out to cover my body for warmth.
Drunk Girls Dancing All Around.
Richards and Co. played last night at the perennial favorite breast cancer benefit: Booze for Boobs. Two points for every woman there for having both booze and boobs. Some of them having too much of one or the other. I'm looking at you, Dooney and Bourke. You almost suffocated my boyfriend when you leaned over to ask for a cigarette. (No. He doesn't smoke. Gross. P.S. We need to talk about who, of the two of us here, needs a push-up bra. Ok. Agree to disagree.)
Maybe It's Something You Ate.
Blllleeeeeeeeerggggggggh. I guess that beer could have done it, but I prefer to demonize the peanut butter. Seriously. You're not hungover. It's salmonella. I will be sending in my lid for a full refund. Keeping you posted...
Cotton Mouth Kisses,
Sri

Lemon Zest with a Hint of Grated Knuckle

I look damn cute in an apron and bandana. That is the only reason I try not to cook or wear headscarves. Too much attention.
But I broke all the rules for Anne on Monday night. We went to Let's Dish to pre-pre-pare some meals for once her baby #2 arrives in t-minus-7 days. My own cooking philosophy borrows from the ancient Greek tradition of "oknonos," also known as, "reheating bags of frozen pasta from Trader Joe's."
"They are delicious."
"I know."
"I especially enjoy the arrabiata sauce because it looks all innocent like 'Who, me? I'm with marinara' when really it's waiting to burn its way into your belly."
"Menacing."
"Yes."
"You should get back to writing."
"Well, fine day to you, too."
"And don't forget to give Sara J the birthday shout-out."
"..."
"I know. But I watched TRL yesterday and it was in my head."
"..."
"I'm sorry. Tell me more about that pasta."
"[middle finger]"

Sugars: 27 grams

Happy Valentimes.
I tied a pink ribbon around my phone to celebrate.

It also reminds me to not get breast cancer.

All the [Work's] a Stage

We've got a lockdown drill today and guess who gets to be the victim of a fake stabbing?!!!
This guy.
Wish me luck.

It's Not Unusual

What two special things occured yesterday?

1. Muffin's birthday
2. Our landlord found a pen in the pipes of our commode

What do these things have in common?

1. Awesomeness
2. Inevitability

For the Right Reasons

Nicki and I went to see Freedom Writers on Wednesday night. There was an educator special deal at the AMC with the stadium seating.
When you wait all day to not pay for a movie, it doesn't even matter if it sucks. Frankly, I expected to hate it. It would have been appropriate for me to hate it. But I didn't hate it. I cried. And so did Nicki. Even though our seat neighbors repeated the poignant lines for the Lady who was Too Good for Assisted Hearing Devices.
Mini-gripes, keeping in mind that I cried:

1. Just once I'd like to see a blockbuster movie with a female teacher of color working with students of color in a life-changing-empowerment-Stand-and-Deliver way.
2. She stayed with them through their whole high school careers. The real challenge would be in repeating the success with various student groups each couple of years. Being brave and letting go are big important steps in education...
   

Anyway, we bought journals for our students. Inspired to give them a forum for their thoughts/ideas/inspirations. When I suggested it to one student today he said he'd be into it because it would get him "so much ass."
I'm going to be brave and let this kid go.



*Unfunny idea that I compulsively thought during the lobby/pre-show trivia: Me dressed as William Wallace, shrieking, "They can take our land, but they'll never take our Freedoooommmmm [Writers]!"

Call Me Savion

ShuFFLE, shuFFLE.
Rin and I intro'ed ourselves to Tap last night at a class called "Feets of Daring." Frankly, I found Tap to be a bit of a bitch. Shoes too small, improperly flapping feet. I made an ill-timed Barbaro joke and hated myself for the rest of the minute.
Instructor Rob held my hands to keep me from tipping while I learned how to dig my heel. Whenever he let go I added my own flourish. Like the greats.
All this is to say that tickets go on sale today for our Musical Revue: The Story of Rin and Sri, which we will perform (with much ado) in 2010 or 11, depending on availability. Much tapping, much hilarity. You can't get them through Ticketmaster, but if you're interested, please contact me with a credit card number or Money Order.

Crowning Achievements

I didn't get to see Justin Timberlake. But I did convince a kid that people aren't actually human beings until age 12. And I convinced another kid that the pump you use to blow up an air mattress is called a sphincter.

Paying Less, Eating More (Or At Least The Same. But Probably More)

The imaginary message I left for Target Execs when I imaginarily called from a SuperTarget to their comment line:
I love this place! Magical! Well lit! Archer Farms everything. I just bought Archer Farms Banana Chips! And Archer Farms Ice Cream Bars!
Voicemail #2:
I looked for a copy of Archer Farms The Collected Plays of Edward Albee Volume 1 and you didn't have it. So now I have to make a special trip to Half Price Books.
#3:
I was sort of hoping for a Unicorn sighting, but you didn't have that either.
#4:
I just climbed into the freezer section to be closer to your Archer Farms Mediterranean Pizzas. And I forgive you.