Charmed, In The Bad Way

Last night, someone absconded with Matt's Vespa. Who steals? Asshats. People who were unloved as children. People who really need food a more gas-efficient vehicle.
Guess what, Suckers? You can't even use it unless you have the codes. Plus, something about a microchip in the key.
The thing is, when it's locked, the handlebars don't even face front. While the image of some jackass wheeling it around in circles is completely satisfying, it doesn't exactly make up for the feeling of increased discomfort and personal loss...and we didn't get to watch. Selfish bastards.