I'm An Idiot. [Reprise]

"Shoot."
"I cannot see a damn thing."
"What does that say?"
"Not unless I hold my eyelids to the side like this."
And today Dr. Mike asks me if I "might be wearing them in the wrong eyes?"
"I might."
I was.
For a month.
A month of headaches and squinting and sweaty glasses slipping off my face rather than wear those [expletive] contacts for one minute more because what kind of doctor prescribes the completely wrong thing and another thing why is this industry taking me for all the money in my uninsured vision life?
They're not.
Ass.